First time out shooting stills intensively in two months, and there being a three month gap before then. Those last two times out felt strained – Bristol’s Clifton Downs and Exeter’s Stoke Woods. I wasn’t there for me – I wasn’t just strolling around seeing what was going to happen. I was trying to plug a hole which I felt to be at the heart of my work: my photos had to be ABOUT something. It was a constant – yeah, very nice, but who cares about nice – WHAT IS THIS ABOUT??? WHERE’S THE CRITICALITY IN THIS IMAGE??? And in the wake of that screaming voice, I managed a few images that I would’ve taken anyway, and really didn’t have too much of a good time. 

So now I’ve let go of my photography being more than a personal interest. The skills I hoped I would acquire on this course, I have not, and I am learning to OK with my work having a very limited life. After all, my film work is moving ahead, and it makes sense to put my attention where it is valued. Of course, there’s a cross-fertilisation between the two – what I learn through taking photos directly affects my film work and vice versa – and photographing sometimes feels like I’m sketching in preparation for the more intensive work of filmmaking. 

I really enjoyed yesterday out on the heaths. I made images just because I liked the way things looked through the viewfinder, as I always do. I made images because I came across something beautiful, something atmospheric, and I wanted to remember it and maybe do something with it some time. I made images not FOR anything, not ABOUT anything, but as an integral part of being out and enjoying the final gasp of autumn. I made images because it’s an excuse to get out of the house and go exploring – and I made a bee-line for some new hidden corners I’d not got to in the summer. Ultimately, my photography is a very private thing and isn’t ABOUT anything else. Nor does it need to be. 

Of course it’s possible that, should I do the FMP, there might be an opportunity to think through all this work on the heaths, find a way of drawing it together, promoting it. Rather than creating new work, that could actually be the most valuable use of my time.